Relationship Problems - How Neediness Damages Relationships

n our society we have become obsessed with love. Our films, our books, our plays and our music are full of stories about love – the joy of finding it and the heartache of losing it. We treat it as a commodity, a transient emotion that comes and goes. We are deliriously happy when we find it but suffer terribly when we lose it again. A vast majority of romantic relationships start well, with two people falling in love, but then something begins to go wrong. The feelings of love begin to fade and we start seeing our partner’s failings. They begin to irritate us and act in ways that seem unloving. We then either move into compromise and settle for a relationship with less love and connection or we end the relationship and try to find someone better. Forming a successful romantic relationship is a real challenge, but it ends up this way because of a basic misunderstanding about love.

All our problems stem from self-destructive romantic belief - that we are lack of personnel in love. The fund we feel empty and incomplete. It feels as if there is something missing in our lives. These feelings of scarcity then create a powerful need for love. That is why we go out into the world to find a romantic partner to remove the gap and make us feel whole again. Of course, our search for someone we love is often the success and feelings of love to convince us that our strategy was right. Unfortunately, the ease with which we fall in love can become the biggest trap we face in life, and that seems to confirm that love is outside of us.

The sad truth is that most of us fall in love for the wrong reason. Bringing a partner into our lives to fulfill our need for love, and it is this outward focus that creates all our problems. It creates a dependence on our partners - that rely on their presence in our lives, to make us happy. This is a recipe for disaster, as I discovered when my marriage failed. When my wife left me suddenly, all my needs and insecurities were laid bare and it is not a pretty site. How many of us fall in need rather than falling in love?

I'm not saying they are wrong needs - human being is to have all kinds of needs, but the need for love is one of the most destructive. While searching out for the love that you no longer see what we have inside. Our great need for love usually comes from early experiences in our lives when we felt our needs were not met. We are not only bothers people who do not give us what we wanted (normally or parents), also feel guilty for having failed in the relationship that would have provided those needs. We are totally guilty for having given up our store of self-love and taken in the belief that we are lacking in love. In the spiritual plane, we feel guilty for having moved away from our divine essence - that 100% love and connection.

The problem with being needy in a relationship is that it is having on our partner. It is assumed that we have that makes us happy. They may feel a shortage of them for having to meet our needs continue to increase the feeling that they are losing something. We may end up fighting that is going to meet the needs of another person - is the power struggle stage of relationships. When we feel our needs have not been met may be angry, disappointed or moody as a way of punishing the other person. If this means that could be affected by depression, because they simply can not get rid of deadness and emptiness we feel inside. Need for a long relationship destroys or removes all her joy.

How can we eliminate the need for a relationship? Well the first thing to do is recognize the times when it is present in us and our partner. Sometimes you may know who are needy, but in others we can be blind to it. If there is something wrong in a relationship, you can be sure that the unmet needs are the cause. Try to identify what those needs. What is not meet you in the relationship - which is exactly the same for your partner.

Here is the quick fix: Try to give the need that you feel is missing and is returned by their partner. Then begin to understand their own needs in a situation. When was the first time in his life when not met? What was happening? Who was present? Try to forgive the people involved and to realize they could have given that missing need if it had been more mature and experienced. Viewing the current situation and the need for all present. Breathe love back into the situation. As you heal your need is your self-esteem grows.

You can do this exercise for all their emotional needs. Usually found in layers in the mind so we have to repeat the process for all layers. Soon to become an expert in identifying needs and healing them. Every single human problem can be traced back to a sense of unmet needs and at the deepest level is the belief that there is a lack of love. Emotional maturity and intelligence is the ability to become aware of our needs and not to play out at the people around us. If we can not make our needs this unit the things we want and, paradoxically, far as it needs to heal in the hope that things start to appear in our lives!

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